Sunday, December 30, 2012

Favorite books of 2012

This year I read quite a few less books than last year, but I also delved into the world of manga. I read 44 novels in total, and 41 volumes of manga. Mangas are so much faster to read though, those would probably equal 10 or 15 novels. Anyway, back to the novels. I read a lot less fantasy than last year, or at least I read a lot of really good contemporary. Of these top 14, 8-ish (some are debatable) are non-fantasy/sci-fi, and it's definitely the first year those have been outnumbered!

This is going to be very haphazard. I gave up on giving most of them plot descriptions, sorry about that. And these are not in order at all (except for the last five, those are probably definitely my favorite five), I just found random categories for all of them so I wouldn't have to decide on an order!

Favorite classic: A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens. I didn't think I would like this book, but I did. The tension was great, every chapter had me going 'Oh, crap,' at the end, the writing was gorgeous, and I loved the characters. The end was perfection. 

Favorite adult (non-classic) novel: The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger. True, it was the only non-classic adult novel I read this year, but I wanted to include it somehow. I actually just finished it today, and I really liked it. I've seen the movie before so I knew how it was going to end, but that didn't take away from it at all. I loved the haphazard way the plot progressed, it really drew me in. I also loved the frequently alternating voices, the present tense, and most everything about it.

Favorite book written in letters: Last Days of Summer by Steve Kluger. I loved this book so much. It's about a  boy who writes to a famous baseball player and their friendship, and it's not nearly as cheesy as that made it sound. It's set pre-WWII, and the details about that time were really natural. The thing I loved most about this book was the characters, they were all so real and believable and unique, which is especially impressive considering it's all in letters. This is one I'll definitely be re-reading soon.

Favorite book about zombies: Warm Bodies by Isaac Marion. This is definitely my favorite zombie book of all time, not just that I read this year. It's so unique: it's a book told from the point of view of a zombie, and it's a love story. That's all I'm going to say about the plot, but I'll also say that the writing is really good and the story made me think, and I am SO excited for the movie.

Favorite fairytale retelling: A Long, Long Sleep by Anna Sheehan. First of all, this novel is the author's debut, and she wrote the first draft during nanowrimo, which makes me happy. The book itself is a retelling of A Sleeping Beauty, but it's sci-fi, and Rose wakes up from a decades long chemically induced sleep to find that she is the lone heir of a lot of money. Things I loved: the world (I do love some sci-fi), the characters (I didn't want the book to be over, and I can't wait for the sequel that doesn't have a release date yet), and the main character's growth throughout the book. She had a really excellent character arc.

Favorite two books by the same author: Everybody Sees the Ants, and Ask the Passengers by A.S. King. A.S. King is shaping up to be one of my favorite authors, her books get better with each one. I really loved these two books. They were both quirky, strange, had awesome characters, and compelling plots.

Favorite book that introduced by to an author I hadn't read before: The Fault In Our Stars by John Green. Obviously I'd heard of John Green (my sisters have loved him for years), but I hadn't actually read anything by him until I bought this book for myself as a birthday present. I loved it. I've read two of his other books since then, and I'm planning to finish his books next year.

Favorite book set in a desert: Vessel by Sarah Beth Durst. This book surprised me a lot-- I've read most of Sarah Beth Durst's other books, but this one blew them all away. The world was very detailed and drew me into it, the scope of the plot was large, the writing was good, and of course I loved the characters. 

Favorite ensemble cast: The Raven Boys by Maggie Stiefvater. This book, more than any of the others in this list, was about all of the characters I thought. Blue and Gansey were the most prominent, but Adam, Ronan, and Noah were just as important in their own ways. And I loved Blue's mother and her friends. Anyway, this book is the weirdest of Maggie Stiefvater's so far, and I loved that. I loved the characters, the weird plot, the fact that nothing got resolved, the fact that it ended on an incredibly puzzling sentence, and the fact that I have three more books with these characters to look forward to.

Favorite sequel: Crown of Embers by Rae Carson. I squeed about the first book, The Girl of Fire and Thorns in my top ten list last year, and this one was just as good. Elisa has new challenges to face-- she's now a queen, her old enemy the Invierne are not really gone, and she's not certain she can trust her own counselors. Rae Carson is easily becoming one of my favorite authors-- her writing is SO good, I love Elisa and all the characters, Hector and Elisa's budding romance was one of my favorites of the year, and the action never stopped.

Favorite murder mystery: I Hunt Killers by Barry Lyga. I LOVED Jazz's voice in this one. And it's too good not to give a plot description: 'Jazz has a best friend, a girl friend, he's great in school-- he would be just your average teenage boy if not for the fact that his father is a world famous serial killer, and everyone thinks that Jazz is going to follow in his footsteps.' So obviously it's dark, Jazz struggles with an incredibly heavy past, the expectations of everyone around him, his own fears and worries, and he has to figure out who this copycat serial killer who shows up in his town is also. Because of the darkness and depth though, it made Jazz one of the most likeable and layered protagonists I read this year. I cannot wait to read the sequel.

Favorite book about cancer: Me and Earl and the Dying Girl by Jesse Andrews. I also could have categorized this one as funniest book of the year, and it really was, not because of the subject but because of Greg's voice. He's hysterical. Greg is forced to spend time with an old friend who has just gotten Leukemia, but he's quick to tell you that this will not be one of those sappy "And I learned the meaning of life as she died" stories. The author made this story as real as he possibly could while making me laugh at Greg and Earl's teenage boy crudeness, and it felt like I was peeking into someone's life to watch. I'm not doing a good job at explaining it, so just go read it, as long as you don't mind tons of swears.

Favorite book that's hardest to categorize: Where Things Come Back by Jon Corey Whaley. This book is about a tiny town in Arkansas where a teenage boy's brother is abducted, an it's the hardest one to explain. It's about Cullen dealing with his brother's disappearance, it's about a town that is suddenly famous when the Lazarus woodpecker (Ivory billed woodpecker, actually, with a different name) is sighted, and it's a bunch of stories woven together that don't make sense until the end. It's a book that could have made me throw it across the room if it hadn't ended the way it did, it has writing I fell in love with, and even to me it's inexplicable why it affected me as much as it did. But I did, and I loved it, and you should read it along with all the other books on this list.


Thursday, December 27, 2012

100 poems

For many years now, one of my new year goals has been to write 100 poems. Usually I get to 70 or 80, but I can never seem to hit a hundred. This year, though, I did.

I realized in the fall that if I wrote a certain amount of poems each month, I'd easily hit a hundred. I think the reason I was able to do it so easily this year was because I kept writing in the summer, which is usually when I slack off the most. I wrote 10 poems in both July and August, instead of a normal three or four. 

And last night I wrote my 100th poem! It's not the best, but I'm posting it anyway.

Poems can capture many things,
but some things they can't touch.
There is no way to sum up
these past days, no words
will bring back floods of memories
like hearing Falling Slowly--
nothing can bring smiles like
silly faces, grinning, laughter--
and no written scene can conjure up
the peace of reading in cafes
with lovely, lovely sisters.

In other news, The Hobbit was good, and Les Miserables (which I went to see Christmas night with my sisters) was AMAZING. I loved it so much, and I want to see it again.

I hope everyone had a great Christmas!

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

December Life

So, life. Colleges and nano have been taking up most of my time lately, with a little bit of school inbetween.

I completed NaNoWriMo on November 25th, which is the fastest I've ever done it! I've been editing a bit this month, and I might have people read it soon. I actually like my story this year, which is always a good thing. Now I have to see if other people like it too. Nano was strangely easy for me this year, partly because I planned out my story a lot which helps, and partly because it was such a release for me. I'd been focusing so intensely on colleges that it was SO NICE to be able to think about something else. Colleges are so stressful, but I've sent in my CD to all the ones that need it. I've applied to six colleges between this month and last, and I might apply to two more, or I might not. Applying is so expensive! There's a fee for auditioning as well as applying, so for me it's twice what it would be for normal applicants. But oh well. I don't find out till January where I'm invited to audition, and then auditioning is mostly in February, and then I find out where I got in in April. So far away, but at least the first step is done.

And Christmas is so soon! We decorated the tree Sunday, made christmas cookies, and watched christmas movies. I've bought a few presents, but I really need to get more. Time is going way too fast. And for the most exciting news of all, I'm going to see The Hobbit tonight!!!

Monday, October 29, 2012


November is almost here! Which means that NaNoWriMo is right around the corner (two and a half days away!), and I cannot believe it. As slow as things seem a lot of the time, these past two months have flown.

Nanowrimo is going to be insane this year. I don't have a ton of homework for my math class, and I'll only have to write one major essay for my English class, but I'm going to be recording my prescreening cds, doing a bunch of concerts, and sending in all my applications for 3 or 4 schools that have the December 1st deadline. And somehow I am going to fit in writing a novel too!

I have a plot that I'm very excited about, and I've been doing character planning, so I think I might be ready. I'm at least more prepared than I was two years ago, the year of the first-day-plot-switch. It'll be a rough adjustment into writing daily though since I haven't written anything but poems for months and months, so the beginning will probably be no good. I'll have to resist the urge to rewrite.

That said, I can't believe it'll be my last year in highschool, and maybe my last year doing nano for a while. I might attempt it in college but I don't know if I'll have time. So I'm doubly determined to squeeze it in this year, my eighth in a row!

Is anyone else attempting it this year?

Monday, October 15, 2012

Two poems

Hello all! October has been going well. Every day is busy, but not too much. Highlights of this week include playing on a harpsichord for the first time (so strange!) and playing on a fortepiano that was built in 1806. It was rather incredible. Here are two poems, one written ten days ago which is just kind of fun, and one that I wrote 6 months ago and just rediscovered. I don't think I've posted it here - I didn't think much of it when I wrote it but I kind of love it now. And it pretty much perfectly sums up how I feel about my poems.

I hear November walking near
her black shoes tap like rattling trees
she's still across the street and I
can't feel the wind that tugs her hair.
Her dress is gray, that non-color
that takes the life straight out of things
her eyes, when she catches my gaze,
are dark as rotting leaves.
"Don't mind Nova," October says,
his fingers tightly wound through mine.
His smile's so infectious, I
forget November's there.


These words are a bridge
between my emotions
and understanding what
they actually mean - 
sometimes I make it
over the bridge, and the world
is brighter and clearer
than before - sometimes
the bridge is unfinished
I look at it and sigh
and just leave it alone - 
sometimes the bridge is 
falling to pieces
and I'm halfway across
as it breaks, then the world
reduces me to a
pancake of what I once was
(but each poem, in the end
is really a brick
and someday I will see
what it is (who it is) I'm building)

How has October been for you?

Saturday, September 22, 2012

September life

School has started, and while I'm not as busy as I thought I'd be, all my free time has been devoted to books, TV, or Tumblr. I feel bad for neglecting the blog!

I've also been trying to solidify my college list. I think I've gotten it down to a pretty good list of six (much better than 12!) though I'm still not sure about some of the ones I've cut out. It's stressful, but I feel better now than last week. I wish I could just pick one school and only apply to that one, but be absolutely certain it's the right choice. Not going to happen, but oh well. It's an adventure.

I'm taking two classes at a community college, which is interesting. I've had ten classes, and only one conversation with a classmate so far. (I understand the concept of starting a conversation, I just don't understand how to apply it in actual situations. How do people do it?)

And here's a random poem!

The sky was blue today
with silver-white clouds
all puffed like risen bread
just hugging the horizon

I love staring up
at september skies
feeling like I could fall
up and up into the
dizzying deep blue -

I'd fall up and hit a cloud
it would rubberband me
back to earth to sit here
pen in hand, wishing that
I had kept falling


Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Non-angsty poems

Yes, you read that right. The second half of august I've been writing some poems that are actually non-angsty! It's a miracle!

To wake up when I feel like it -
say ten of ten -
the sun and blue sky smiling on me,
the whole day stretching forward
and my dreams still lingering in my head -
to sleep and dream and be rested
is one of my most favorite things.


I love it when the moon is just
a bright flare in the inky trees
and all the sky is dusky grey
and swirled with clouds, and all I hear
is chirping bugs and the night air
is silky on my face and the
whole world is dark, much darker than
the sky


Last night I kept waking up
and wishing I could slide back into
dreams that mixed memories with wants
and people with imagined things -
for in my dreams there was the sun
and endless sky, the marshgrass and
the chin-high coolness of the sea -
but in my dreams,
I could swim
I swam across a river and I
never once looked down.


Friday, August 24, 2012

August life

While I don't have any good poems to share, there are a couple of things I could talk about from this month. I've mostly been practicing piano, working, hanging out with some friends, and being on tumblr, but I've also been reading! I read three books last week, compared to one last month. I got a really good stash out from the library recently, and it's so lovely to curl up with a good book and just read.

The books I read were: 1. Black Heart by Holly Black, it's the third in a series and I've been waiting for it forever. This book was awesome, I love the main character and the plot was crazy as always. I read it in one day, as soon as I started it my day was just gone.

2. Looking for Alaska by John Green. Ever since buying The Fault in Our Stars in February (my first John Green read) I've been slowly working through his books, this is the third I've read. I love his writing so much.  His characters are always believable and have such unique voices, they really make his stories work. Also, I love the Colonel.

3. I Hunt Killers by Barry Lyga. Oh, my goodness this book. Normally this wouldn't be the kind of book I'd get (it's about a 17 year old kid whose dad was a serial killer, and now years after his dad was put in jail, dead bodies start showing up in town again), but I'd heard such good things about it that I immediately picked it up, and I'm so glad I did. It's very dark obviously, Jasper thinks about death a lot and whether or not he's pre-destined to become a killer also. But the plot is fast paced and intriguing, his friends are awesome, and it's really well written. I kind of fell in love with this one.

4. And the only book I read last month was the long awaited Bitterblue by Kristin Cashore! I waited and waited for my library to get this book, but finally I just went and bought it. So glad I did, this is a beautiful book. Other than the writing, it has gorgeous illustrations each new section, which I adore. I was so happy to meet Bitterblue and get to spend more time with characters from her other books too.

That is it for my summer books. Any good books you've been reading, whoever reads this?

Saturday, August 11, 2012

I've been tagged!

This is way overdue, but I am doing it! The lovely Katie from has tagged me to answer these questions, some of which made me think a lot!

1. What is the funniest thing that has ever happened to you?
I've been trying and trying to think of something... I guess I haven't had a lot of embarrassing laugh out loud moments, which is fine with me!

If you could get paid for doing anything, what would you do?
Three answers to this one! 
1. Obviously, if I could get paid for traveling the world, eating lots of delicious food, and watching TV and reading books as much as I want, that's what I would do with my life. 
2. If there was just one thing I'd love to do even if I don't get paid for it, that would to be in an episode of Doctor Who. (*dies just thinking about it*) 
3. And I'm sure this is not what the question meant, but if I could learn how to fly (hey, you said do anything) and get paid for it, that would definitely be my life goal!

Who has been the biggest influence on your life (so far)? What lessons has/did that person teach you?
I can't really pick one person out-- my parents gave me life and have influenced me in every way I can think of, and my sisters made me who I am. I can't imagine who I would be without any of them.

4. What is your definition of love?

There are a whole lot of definitions of love, and right now I can't think of one better than the classic 'someone you care about more than yourself.'

5. Have you experienced any miracles? OR do you believe in miracles? Why/why not. 

I don't think I've experienced anything miraculous, but there definitely are some unexplainable things that happen in the world.

6. What are your major goals in life?

Travel the world, find a career I'll be happy in, be brave in everything I do, meet everyone I can, (yes be in an episode of Doctor Who), and find out who I am. (Argh that sounds so cheesy! But it was either that or find inner peace.)

7. Favorite movie(s) – go! 

Ooh so many! In no order, Mulan, How to Train Your Dragon, Finding Nemo, The Lion King, Aladdin, The Incredibles, Princess Bride, Galaxy Quest, The Lord of the Rings. And yes, most of those are animated. They're the best.

8. What is the weirdest thing you have done in the past (that you feel comfortable discussing)?

When I was a little kid, I liked to eat pickles with peanutbutter on them. EWWWWWWW everyone says! But I have found two others who enjoyed the same thing! I am not alone. 

9. What places in the world would you most like to visit? Why?

Everywhere, everywhere. But really, France, Italy, Wales, Ireland, Scotland, England, Mongolia, Tibet, Australia, New Zealand, Brazil, Japan, Sweden, Holland, Norway, Estonia, Russia, Egypt, and everywhere else.

10. Just for fun! According to your birthdate, what is your zodiac sign? Do you believe you fit that sign’s description or not?

I am an Aquarius! I think it's pretty accurate. 

11. What is your favorite (guilty pleasure) snack?

I don't snack a ton, but I love desserts with a passion. If any dessert is in the house that's my snack, and I don't feel too guilty!

And that is it! I am so late with this post, sorry!

Sunday, August 5, 2012

July poems

I wrote ten poems in July, most of which were no good, but there were a few okay ones. This first one I wrote at my job, which I really like most of the time, but I cannot STAND being in the quilt shop.

The air conditioner hums
its song of coolness and
the fabric cutter shrieks
it's indignation at my awful skills
and the rest of the world is silent
I'm alone in the shop
and for all I do I might as well
be standing still

This next one I just find funny (the fact that I wrote it, how very dramatic and ridiculous it is, and how nervous I am to post it).

I barely said a word to you
or looked at you, except of course
to watch your fingers on the keys
your shoulders move, your head tilting.
Before that you had just smiled
at me for one moment, your hand
lightly resting on my elbow
as you went past me and onstage.
I stared at you the whole time that
you played, marveling at the sound
and your shoulders, and then I could
not think of anything to say.

And the last one is all over the place, so does it make sense to anyone else?

Flipping through these pages is
the closest I've gotten to time traveling
each poem-journal is a bit of me
impressed and imprinted on the page,
ready to spring to life and show me
who I was then, how different
and how exactly the same
So many of them, if pictures,
would find me in this same exact spot
trying to sort my brain so I can
go to sleep, my eyes on the clock
The only thing that changes is
the words I put down
the worries all stay
and having the pieces of me
in a pile like this just wafting with
emotions and angst
makes me realize
I think that all my poems, and me
could be summed up with
I don't even know.

And despite how rather unhappy those three poems are, I had a great July! This summer has been really fun. Hopefully I'll start posting more often, I was tagged by Katie ages ago so that will be my next one!

Sunday, June 24, 2012

Piano camp

Today was the second day of piano camp, and I'm pretty crazy busy so I probably won't post for the rest of this week. Here's an old poem, from January 2009 that I really like.

Silence sits
high on the wall
and waits for night to fall
Noise he suffers
as he waits
and watches shadows crawl.

From corners first
they spill to floors
and slowly creep along
Colors change
and sounds die down
as silence sings it's song.

A sticky web
that coats the mind
and seems to make all shrink
Silence spreads
and takes control
he moves so fast-- don't blink.

Before they know
or comprehend
that there is no more light
Darkness breathes
and silence sighs
they merge and form the night.


Thursday, June 21, 2012

Nano excerpt #10

The end of chapter two! Also, I know yesterday was the summer solstice, but happy summer!

That night I couldn’t sleep, my head was going in circles. I was restless too, first I’d be too hot and as soon as I shifted I’d get in an uncomfortable position and then I’d have an itch. I tried not to watch the clock ticking the night away.
And then I started to hear something-- a bird singing, or maybe just my blood rushing, or a song… I felt an actual pain in my chest as the noise drifted into something almost recognizable. It was still too far away to make out-- no, I corrected myself. The sound wasn’t getting closer. It was just the band starting up. I hadn’t heard them for years. I had a vague memory of weird dreams that music caused though, and it was getting loud enough to make my head spin and my heart thump-- so I reached over and grabbed the ear plugs on my desk. The night was finally silent, and I sighed and went to sleep.


Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Nano excerpt #9

This is a new section, which I don't know if I really need. I like it fine but it doesn't really do anything :/

“We’re home!” Jake announced, banging the door shut to really let us know. He had just picked up mom from work, and I headed towards the kitchen and the cake. “I am staying out here until you light it,” he informed us from the hall and Elle grinned at me with the lighter in hand. Mom was standing in the door way still in her nurse’s scrubs, smiling at us.
“Hi mom,” I said and went over for a peck on the cheek.
“Hi,” she said, smoothing my hair back into place. “The cake looks beautiful.”
“Thank you,” I said, looking back as Elle lit the candles. It glistened, the dark chocolate covered in home made caramel sauce and studded all over with chocolate chips. It really had turned out well.
“Hurry,” Jake begged us and I rolled my eyes.
“He’s been looking forward to this all month,” mom said in her quiet, amused voice. “Or all year if you believe him.”
“Done!” Elle announced and I flicked the lights off. The glowing candles were in a formation to make a twenty one, and they only lit up the curve of Elle’s chin and her long fingers. The rest of the room seemed pitch black compared to the sparks of flame and the one patch of gleaming moon light behind Elle.
“Happy Birthday to you,” mom started singing, and I joined in enthusiastically off key. Jake appeared, wincing at either the sound or the darkness, and Elle moved back from the candles so he could sit at the table. “Happy birthday to you!” we finished, Elle almost giggling.
“We should record that sometime, it’s quite special,” she whispered to me and Jake shushed her. He thought for a long time, his face turned away from us from where he sat, and finally blew all the candles out with a huge gust of breath. We clapped and mom turned the lights back on, and the room transformed back into the one I knew. I could see mom’s expression now, she was smiling at the back of Jake’s head and looked tired like usual. Jake twisted around to grin at us and Elle grabbed the knife to cut up the cake.
“You know how to do it Elle?” Mom asked, though Elle had already started.
“Yes mom,” she said. “And besides, no piece is too big right?” mom laughed at that, a sound which I always thought made her seem younger.
“You’re right,” she agreed. “Give the biggest one to Jake.”
“That sounds good,” he said and soon we were all eating away. It was delicious, rich and sticky and the chocolate chips provided the perfect bit of crunch along with it. We all sat around the table, for the first time since Christmas and I couldn’t help but look at our reflections in the window. You could barely see the moon light on the floor any more, our bright artificial light was pushing it outside. We took up the whole window, all I could see in it was laughter and faces eating and the perfect family of four.


Tuesday, June 19, 2012

50th Post! Nano Excerpt #8

I can't believe it's my 50th post already! Pretty crazy.

“Don’t go in the kitchen!” I warned, and stepped inside.
Something was different. I paused, one foot still on the porch, and took a breath. The cake smell was gone, replaced by the aroma of old leaves. With all the greenness and the warm wind, that was the last thing I expected. It smelled like fall.
“Move,” Elle said behind me, her arms full of pillows and bags, and she shouldered her way past me before I could think.
“I won’t, don’t worry,” Jake said in answer to my warning and followed Elle inside, leaving me still in the doorway. Was the smell of fall so weird? I wondered. I shivered slightly and stepped the rest of the way inside, shutting the door and looking around. Everything was exactly the same, the family picture of us from ten years ago, a painting Elle had given mom last year, a photo of the three of us being goofy last summer. I could hear Jake and Elle talking from her room, their voices loud and reassuring as I followed the smell past the kitchen and into mom’s room.
Maybe she’d been home, I thought, and gotten some fertilizer out for the garden. That was probably it. But that didn’t explain the leaf sitting on her dresser, a large silver leaf with golden veins. It almost looked like metal but it was soft, I picked it up and it felt like a feather. And it smelled like fall.
“Hey,” Jake said from the doorway, poking his head in. “What’re you doing?”
“Nothing,” I said with a frown, looking down at the leaf “Have you ever seen anything like this?”
“No,” he said, his eyes flicking down and back up. “Where’d you get it?”
“I found it, here,” I said, and he slowly leaned against the door frame.
“Mom must have found it,” he said with a shrug, and I nodded. There was no reason for me to think that it hadn’t been there before I’d gone to get Jake, no reason other than the smell. “Aren’t you going to make my cake?” he asked, cracking a smile, and I nodded. “Cannot wait!” he said, high fiving the door frame as he turned to go and already whistling. I put the leaf down and left the room, closing the door behind me.


Monday, June 18, 2012

Nano excerpt #7

“How are you?” he asked both of us, smiling at Elle’s pajamas. “I feel like we haven’t talked since Christmas! How come neither of you talk to me when I’m at school?”
You never talk to us,” Elle said bluntly, which made me laugh and him shake his head furiously.
“No, it’s not like that,” he insisted. “I’m just really busy.” He sighed at our identical expressions of skepticism and shrugged, rubbing the sleepiness away from his face. “I have the worst hangover,” he muttered, which made Elle jab him with her elbow. “Hey it’s legal!” he told her. “We waited until midnight.”
“That’s right!” she ohhed. “So. Weird. You’re an adult!”She grabbed some of his stuff and they followed me to the car, chattering the whole way. Jake had to fill us in on everything that had happened since Christmas. His girlfriend of last semester dumped him, he told us with a shrug. But he had found a new girl, a lovely girl, who liked to play guitar… 
My thoughts were not entirely there as I drove home. Jake and Elle were laughing and talking and I was focused on the road, making a comment or smiling every so often. Jake was half turned around in his seat so he could look at both Elle and me, and his hands flew everywhere as he told story after story. He had had quite the night- or early morning rather, and there were not words to describe how hyper on exhaustion he was now. I felt stupid, sitting there not saying anything, but Elle was filling in the necessary ‘Oh!’s and ‘What happened next?’ and I didn’t know what else to do. Finally the drive was over and I jumped out of the car.
“You okay, Vee?” Jake asked, hurrying after me and catching my elbow before I could go inside.
“Yeah,” I said, but he still stood there looking at me expectantly. “I’m fine,” I elaborated. “Just tired. I hope I’m not catching Elle’s cold.”
“Ugh, that would not be good,” he said, his face clearing. “I have to get my stuff so I’ll meet you inside k?”


Sunday, June 17, 2012

Nano Excerpt #6

The first buildings of the town started popping up around us, we had come through all the hilly forest roads without my really noticing them and now we were beginning to see signs of habitation. “I’m so excited,” Elle bounced, realizing how close we were. “Is it three yet? It’s past! He’ll be here already.” I smiled silently.
Elle was somehow completely herself around Jake, though I had never actually seen her in a situation where she wasn’t completely herself. And I-- I didn’t know how to be around him. I felt like the older one when I was with Elle, the mature and responsible sister who could still laugh and be silly. Around Jake I felt about eight years old, him looking down on me even if he didn’t mean to. He was just really tall.
“There he is!” Elle exclaimed as I turned into the library parking lot. Jake was laying on the stone lion, of course. The lion had spectacles and was reading a fat tome, and my brother had always climbed on it as far back as I could remember. The librarians had stopped telling him to get off because he would just be back on the next minute they looked away. Today he was sunbathing, face turned up to the clear sky with his head resting on the lion’s. He almost looked asleep, and didn’t move at the sound of our car doors. The sun was making his hair practically shine, and the sudden thought that he looked like dad made me falter. Elle was already out of the car and sprinting towards him, he heard the sound of her coming and turned his head.
“Hey,” he said, smiling and sitting up.
“Happy Birthday!” She exclaimed and he caught her in a hug.
“Happy Birthday,” I echoed, walking across the lawn towards them.
“Vee!” he said, standing up when Elle let him go and folding me into a barrel hug. His arms completely encased me it felt like, and he almost lifted me off my feet. I made a noise of protest and he laughed, putting me back down.


Saturday, June 16, 2012

Nano excerpt #5

I actually did some rewriting today, wohoo! First is the rewritten version, and then the original, with notes in red. If anyone's confused, tomorrow is the anniversary of their dad's death.

Elle followed me and sighed into the may air, it had gotten warmer while she was asleep. I quickly rolled the windows of the car down, letting the wind sweep out the car's constant smell of just having been vacuumed.
"When I get a car," Elle told me, propping her feet up on the immaculately clean dashboard, "It's going to be messy."
"Of course," I agreed. I could imagine it perfectly-- paint splotches on the seats, clothes she'd forgotten about discarded in the backseat, and paint brushes lodged in every spare space.
"Your dream car?" she asked me, and I smiled.
The streets rolled by in silence, Elle with her faced turned towards the wind and me staring unseeingly ahead. I wondered what she was thinking about; art, or Jake's birthday, or tomorrow's anniversary, or the cake-- and she looked at me and bit her lip like she always did when she was about to ask something.
"Are you nervous for tomorrow?" I blurted before she could say anything.
"Erm," she said non-commitedly, playing with her bracelet. "Not nervous, no. There's no reason to be, right?"
"No," I sighed, her logic making me slightly irritated. "It'll be just like every year." That was not a comforting thought, true as it was.
"I don't want to think about it today though," she said, leaning forward to turn the radio on. I didn't get how she could put it out of her mind so easily, but I fought with her about what station to listen to and tried to forget as much as I could.

Elle grabbed a sweatshirt and followed me, and sighed when the warm may air hit her face.
“When did it get to be so lovely out?” she murmured.
“While you were sleeping,” I told her, and got in the car. It was immaculately clean, everything in it’s proper place like mom would want it and I made a face. It always smelled like it had just been vacuumed.
“When I get a car,” Elle said, hopping inside and following where I was looking, “It’s going to be messy.”
“Of course,” I agreed, I could see it now. There would be paint splotches everywhere on the seats and  paint brushes lodged underneath them and clothes she’d discarded and forgotten everywhere. Just like her room.
“When I get a car,” I told her, pulling out of the driveway and down the street, “It’s going to be purple.” That was all I wanted. We both fell into silence, staring into our futures and our dream cars, and Elle yawned.  This seems a bit random/ “look at me I’m telling you about the characters!”-ish.
“Are you nervous at all?” she asked me abruptly, without turning her head.
“For what?” I asked, though I knew. She blinked, irritated, and I said softly “Yes. If I think about it, which I’m not going to.” I don’t know how she did it, going one second from the silliest of things to the most serious. To switch over so abruptly left me reeling, even though I hadn’t completely stopped thinking about it since I’d remembered. Maybe that meant she had been half thinking about it too. “Are you?” I asked for something to say, glancing over. She shrugged and looked down, playing with her bracelet. “Hey, you can’t just shrug,” I insisted. “You brought it up.”
“Never mind,” she said. “Forget it. It’s not like there’s a point in talking about it right?”
“It’ll just be like every year,” I said, though that was not a comforting thought. She nodded and turned on the radio, a sure way to distract us both.
“Oh God,” I said at the same time that she yelped “I love this song!” She grinned at me and I sighed, shrinking slightly in my seat.
“Turn it off,” I begged her, fighting the urge to cover my ears. I had to keep looking at the road even though I wanted to run out of the car. She was laughing and I persisted, “Turn it off! I’m allergic to love songs!”
“That’s nothing new,” she remarked, but sighed and finally turned it to a different channel. I straightened up immediately and sighed with satisfaction.
“Thank you,” I told her politely and she snorted. This new song was about lovers fighting, which wasn’t wonderful either but it was better at least than someone crooning their adoration to the world. Same thing here :/

And then I was thinking that I might just cut this section entirely, since I don't want to play up the anniversary too much. We'll see, at least I can move past this part now!

Friday, June 15, 2012

Surprise a poem

Here's another poem! From December 2011, another angsty one :P

The thing about poems is that
I'm different each day
I never am the same, and every
time I start to write a poem
I'm someone new to be unraveled
and maybe that's this age
this feeling that I do not know
(who I am or what I want
or what I need or who I want to be)
anything at all, but even though
there are worse things to feel
and this will pass, I hate
this age with all my heart.
Tomorrow I might love it.


Thursday, June 14, 2012

.........can Tumblr be my excuse?

This is the first time I've not only missed two days in a row, but done it willingly :( Both days I prepared to post the next part of my nano, stared at it for a moment shuddering at all the editing that had to be done to this section, and then got distracted by shiny Tumblr. I have avoided tumblr for so long (almost a year! A year!) and I'm getting sucked back in. This was first Fruits Basket's fault, and now it's also Tom Hiddleston's. I can't escape!

Anyways, after my non-excuse, I still don't want to edit that section of my nano. I really am awful at editing. I  do it all fine as long as it's changing four words, but as soon as I get to a part that needs actual re-writing I just stop. I have no idea how to get past it (except I do (just do it) but I have no desire to). This is why I'm probably never going to be a professional author.

So here's a poem! From January 2011. This one has a tune to it, but it never got any accompaniment.

The house is silent
and all the stillness
surrounds me
everything I am
is still
alone not lonely
this is all I really need
I'm all that I need
right now
sometimes the silence
makes me think everything's fine
in the world
sometimes in the silence
I'm fine


Monday, June 11, 2012

Nano Excerpt #4

The proper start of Chapter Two, and we're back to Valerie who is now seventeen.

Today was Jake’s birthday. I stared down at Elle’s text- Cake’s out of the oven! No I did not sneeze on it and slowly put the phone back in my pocket. Today was Jake’s birthday, which meant that he’d be coming home from college. The school bus pulled away with a groan and warm wind hugged in from behind, pushing me forward. I watched my feet as they walked me to the house. The week had passed so fast-- the leaves were almost uncurled on the trees and tomorrow would be the ten year anniversary.
“Hello!” Elle sang at me as soon as I opened the front door.
“You don’t sound sick!” I said, hurrying through the hallway into the kitchen and the smell of cake. Elle was leaning next to the stove, watching the two cake layers steam.
“I slept until quarter of one,” she said with a happy sigh. “My fever’s completely gone and I just have a bit of a runny nose now.” She was still in pajamas, her clothing of choice at almost sixteen.
“That’s great,” I said with a smile, already moving the pans to the counter and poking around their edges with a knife to loosen them. They smelled gorgeous; that rich, earthy chocolate smell that filled the whole kitchen.
“Oh I have to tell you, mom left the car for you to pick up Jake,” Elle said, her fingers sneaking towards the cake before I batted them away. The sunlight was falling through the window and warming my toes and I focused on that, not on her words that were reminding me about tomorrow. “His bus comes in at three a clock, and you have to pick mom up at eight a clock tonight.”
“Three?” The first cake was sticking to the bottom still and wouldn’t come out, I made a face. “I won’t be able to finish decorating the cake before I have to get him.”
“I can do it,” Elle said persuasively and I shot her a look. “I’m not that sick!” she wailed. I didn’t want to tell her that I would never let her do it, no matter the circumstances-- her artistic abilities did not carry over into frosting. And I always made the cakes, even mine.
“You’ll just have to distract him when we get home so I can do it,” I told her, and she sighed. “Besides, don’t you want to come with me to get him?” She definitely wanted to come. I really really needed her to come, I could not handle fifteen minutes alone right now. Or fifteen minutes alone with Jake, either.
“Well,” she amended. “Yes. Alright. But will you let me help make it?”
“Yes, you will help by making sure Jake doesn’t see it,” I said, grinning when she smacked me with the pot holder. “Come on!” I gave up on the cake and grabbed the keys from the table, heading out to the car.


Sunday, June 10, 2012

Nano excerpt #3

What I started doing at the beginning of each chapter, was to put in a little snippet of a different story (that yes, ties in later). So here is the first one! I'm not entirely sure about the writing in these parts, I wanted it to make it sound different which it does, but I don't really love it.

Chapter Two

He saw her for the first time on a dancing night. She was sitting in a tree, motionless, and staring down at them. Her golden hair blended into the leaves but her eyes were piercing, blue as the sky in the day time and flitting from face to face. He ducked before she could see him and then ran to the queen to laughingly move them along. She could have nothing to do with them, nothing at all.
But of course she followed them. He caught a glimpse of her every time he turned around, she was as quiet as a shadow but the woods were bright with moonlight and would not hide her completely. The creatures around him were too caught up in the music and the revelry to notice her but she wouldn’t stay hidden forever. So he caught her eye as he danced, tried to make his face look serious even as she gazed back smiling, and mouthed the word ‘Go.’


Saturday, June 9, 2012

Forgot again

No excuse either, I just really need to start doing it in the morning when I actually do have time and not wait until later when I don't, and then forget. Oh well. Here's a poem that I wrote a couple of days ago, I don't think it works terribly well as a poem, but I like the words a lot.

And always, I am full
of contradictions.
I believe that I can do all things
and nothing, too
I'm alright, and I'm the worst
there is hope, and I am lost
I want to go explore the world and
never leave here.
And always, what I want most
is conviction.


Thursday, June 7, 2012

Nano excerpt #2

Here is part two of the first chapter of last year's nanowrimo story :)

When I was eight, the year after my father died, the music came again. I sat upright, my eyes on the woods as the sound wove it’s way closer and closer. Someone was singing this time, a shrill voice that had pierced through my dreams. I couldn’t understand the words but it was making my skin crawl in a way that sent me running down the hallway in a burst of energy.
“Do you hear that?” I demanded, coming to a stop in Jake’s room. I had never told him my stories about the faeries I heard, but he couldn’t possible be sleeping through this song. And I was right, he was lying stiffly in bed staring at the ceiling.
“Hear what?” he asked, shifting towards me and sighing. I just stared at him. The song was reaching it’s climax, the voice climbing higher and higher until it seemed like it was right outside the window. He was blinking at me with his ‘Oh god what’s she going on about now?’ look, but I saw him flinch when the song was cut off by laughter and shrieking.
“The Faerie music,” I said boldly. “You can hear it, you’d be deaf not to.” But he was already laughing.
“Faerie music?” he gasped, wheezing. “Oh, that’s good. Are they dancing with their friends the elves and leprechauns? And maybe some unicorns?” I wanted to punch him.
“You can’t do this!” I shouted, over the sound of him still laughing and the next song that had started. “You hear it! What else could it be?”
“Not faeries!” He stopped laughing and sat up, looking at me pityingly. Which was even worse than the laughing. “Gosh Vee, it’s the neighbors.”
“The… neighbors?” I faltered.
“They’re having a party,” he explained to me slowly, like I was two. “Lots of dancing and singing, and they must have huge boom boxes because everyone on the whole street can hear it.”
“But…” it didn’t sound like noises humans would make. “The shrieking,” I pointed out hurriedly. “And screaming, that doesn’t happen at parties.”
“Some parties it does,” he said knowingly, already sliding back under his covers. “But you had better ask mom about those.” I stood there motionless for a minute and he closed his eyes. The music was still going but it seemed duller now, like something that really could be made from lots of piccolos and flutes and wound up humans. It was stupid to think faeries were real before thinking of the neighbors.
“Hey,” Jake said softly. I looked back at him but his face was hidden again, the moonlight had only showed off his lovely laughing face when he was sitting up. “Sorry if I was mean about it.”
“It’s fine,” I said shortly, and padded slowly back to my room. It was fine, even if it meant one more memory with my dad meant nothing at all. All either of us needed was a good pair of ear plugs. After that I started sleeping through the night.


Wednesday, June 6, 2012


I've been reading through last year's nanowrimo novel today, it actually isn't as bad as I remembered! In parts at least. Here's the very beginning.

When I was little, I used to think that faeries visited the woods across the street. Not all the time, but once or twice a year I would wake up to music seeping in from somewhere outside-- a wild music full of high voiced flutes and screaming laughter and the drumbeat of dancing feet. I would listen until the sounds moved away, and I’d always be sad to hear it go even though I’d dream cavorting dreams of shadows and monsters after.
Some nights I’d be brave enough to slide out of bed, trailing blankets after me, and press my face to the window glass. The trees across the street were just a mass of darkness that were impossible to see through. I was never brave enough to go out and find them, and I don’t think the thought even occurred to me. The woods were off bounds at night and sitting there frozen, my head pounding with their music against the coolness of the glass, I didn’t really want to get any closer.
I told Elle fantastical stories about the music and the faeries who roamed the woods as soon as I could attach a name to what I thought they were, but she slept like a rock and never really believed me. Once I woke crying from a whirlwind nightmare of dancing with faceless creatures and my dad was there, stroking my hair and murmuring to me.
“What was it, Valerie?” he whispered when I opened  my eyes. I blinked up at his shadowy head and desperately searched for eyes, nose, mouth-- and sighed when he shifted into a patch of moonlight.
“It was the music,” I told him groggily. “It gives me bad dreams.” He was motionless for a long moment, his eyes looking past me and out the window.
“So don’t listen,” he said at last, smiling back down at me softly. “You don’t have to listen.”
“I don’t know how not to,” I said, balling up the sheets in my fists. I stared up at him hopefully, waiting for words of wisdom, or even a reprimand, but he just laid down next to me and let me nestle into him.
“Neither do I,” he said into my hair, so softly that I might have dreamt it.


Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Old poem

Here's a poem from February 2011, which really sums up my mood a lot of days!

My mind is going round and round
and all the noises every sound
seems loud and yet I want to sleep
and can't relax and nothing seems
to have a point and all I'll do
all night I fear is sit and think
and ponder pointlessly until
the night is gone and I'm asleep.


Monday, June 4, 2012

Rain poem

Yesterday was awfully rainy, (today too) but they must have had some bike race/event planned because I saw about 50 bikes go by my house in the morning, and then I saw them all around later throughout the day. I can't imagine how miserable it must have been to spend all day in the cold wet.

The sky has been dripping all day
steadily, and in spurts
of splattering, juicy round drops

like fragile perfect blueberries
that don't leave stains
on hunched-over shoulders
and furiously whizzing
feet and gears, chains and wheels

chains decapitate the rain-berries
tires crush remains
but the rain never stops
cyclists cannot win on days
when life is a puddle
and the world is a drip.


Sunday, June 3, 2012

No Excuse

I really have no excuse for missing yesterday. I ended up being busier than I thought I would be, and then didn't remember to do it before bed. I'm getting so bad! I need to have a sticky note on my pajamas or something.

Here's a poem from April 2010. It's a weird poem and I wish I could remember what was happening when I wrote it, but I like it even if I can't :)

This day this moment now
is ringing in my ears
the who they why the how
has all built up for years

And I am me
and you are you
and everyone is everyone
is one


Friday, June 1, 2012


Happy June :) it's almost summer! I love summer and spring and fall the most :D

I wrote 14 poems in May, though I've only posted five of them. Here's two short ones, and the rest of them will probably never see the light of day.

There was lightening last night
no thunder, just sudden
flashes of white
that lit up the sky
and the trees, and the yard
and disappeared, leaving
imprints on my eyes
and me staring outside
waiting for more.

This next one is really silly :P

My poems, like cheese,
ripen with age
the older they get
the more I realize
they stink.


Thursday, May 31, 2012


After trying to write a poem all morning and failing, one appeared out of nowhere this evening as I was taking a nap. Who knows! But I kind of like it :)

Outside my room I hear the clod
of dad's heavy boots
and from the street the soft
shuuUUuuushing of the cars
and the clomping and the shiiishing
and the white noise of my brain
is an orchestra that's tuning
it's the prelude to my dreams.


Wednesday, May 30, 2012

My first miss

So yes, I missed a day. I was horrified when I thought of it this morning, I really didn't think of it a single time yesterday. My excuse is that I'm sick, I slept for about eight hours during the day yesterday (but not even two today, so I might be getting better). Oh well, I made it 33 days in a row!

 Here is a bad poem from October that sums up the past two days, and it's all I have the energy to post unfortunately.

 I hate being sick
My throats full of ick
 My head is a brick
I hate being sick.


Monday, May 28, 2012

Day #33

Here is the start of my new story! One of my goals with this story is to make the MC's voice distinctly different from all the rest of my stories. When I get writing longer pieces they tend to sound all the same, especially if it's first person. But I'm so used to first person, I don't really want to attempt third :P I don't know how well I did on this first section though, other than the beginning.

I couldn’t wait to get out of my no-name, god-forsaken, bug-infested marsh of a town. The whole thing was slowly sinking; the buildings into the soupy land, the population as all the old people died, and even my parents. They all had been going downhill so steadily for years that there was no saving them. I was on the boat as soon as I turned seventeen, waving goodbye for as long as I could see my watery-eyed parents, and then looking the hell away. Once I was across the lake I’d be in Vardia, where my life would be so different that I couldn’t even imagine it yet.
There were only five other seventeen year olds with me on the boat, and I didn’t think any of us would be in the same division in Vardia. We talked and laughed the whole boat ride though, clinging onto the last bits of home that were in each other. “Come on Karina,” a girl named Malee said to me, not really surprised. “You won‘t be homesick at all?”
“Why should I be?” I asked, laughing. “Did anyone actually like that awful town or anyone in it?”
“Hey, I like my parents,” she protested. Malee and I had been in the same grade our whole lives and she still wasn’t used to how blunt I was. “You could care a little.”
“Sure,” I said with a shrug and grin. “But really, can’t you learn to recognize sarcasm?”
“Oh Karina,” Rinna cut in, throwing her arm dramatically across my shoulders. “Don’t terrorize the innocents on our last day together, please.”
“You know I’m only joking,” I said, turning to smirk at Rinna. She raised one eyebrow, managing to look serious for one second before ruining it by laughing. “Why do you have to be going into culinary arts and not my profession?” I begged her again as Liam dragged Malee away from us.
“Because I cannot throw a punch to save my life,” she told me sadly, sighing like it really was a life goal of hers.
“No, you can’t,” I agreed, and she made a face at me. There was no helping it. Vardia was as big as a city, and in our two completely different divisions we’d probably never run into each other. I’d be fine I knew, it’s not like we were that close, but she was the only person from my town that I’d be really sad to part ways with.
“Hey you two!” Liam called to us, from where he was leaning over the railing so far that he would topple if I poked him. “Come look, I can see Vardia!”
I was next to him in an instant, squinting to see the horizon. It was starting to look prickly, and I grinned. I’d heard so many stories of Vardia from my teachers-- some of them idiotic, “The place that turns you into an adult!” “The place where you find out who you truly are!” and some of them more practical-- “You choose what you want to do, you work at it, and you stick with it, for the rest of your life,” one teacher determined to make an impression on us whimsical sixteen years old had told us sternly. That made it sound like the kind of place I would like. And as for choosing what I wanted to do with the rest of my life, well I’d known that for years.


Sunday, May 27, 2012

Day #32

Today was exciting because 1. I started a new job, my first job that does not involve piano or music at all! and 2. There is strawberry rhubarb pie, and also doughnuts :D :D :D Here's a poem from January 2011.

Poems are always sad, I thought
(which isn't true, but many are)
but why? except the poet's sad
and if I thought to write a poem
when I'm joyous (not sad, as now)
would not my poems be happy too?


Saturday, May 26, 2012

Day #31

I have been brainstorming all day for a new story idea, which I might post parts of once I actually write it :) but all I've got so far are characters. That's a first for me, since usually I come up with a plot and then characters. We'll see if it actually goes anywhere! Here's a poem I wrote in February 2010.

Except for me, there's nothing moving
in the room
if I am still I cease to be,
and then the stillness is complete
air hangs balanced
time is frozen, does not move


Friday, May 25, 2012

Day #30

Recently Maggie Stiefvater (whose books and blog I adore) wrote this post about how she chose what to do with her life. The whole thing is interesting and useful for me, but one thing she said completely sums up my career choice dilemma for the past six years.

"I used to tell people I felt lucky because I always knew what I wanted to do when I grew up, but I’ve come to understand from my teen journals that this is only the beauty of hindsight speaking. In reality, I basically wanted to do everything, and I had long, agonizing brainstorming sessions where I wondered how I could possibly be, for instance, both an animator AND a fighter pilot. I could’ve made any of the things on that list the goal for my life."

I've written many, many poems about not being sure of what I want to do and having too many wants and desires and interests, but she says it so clearly there. Basically I want to do everything. And how do I choose? She chose by figuring out which career would let her be everything she wanted to be. 
For me, I don't know if there's any one thing which would do that. I love so many different things, and I haven't found a way to combine them into the one perfect thing yet. I don't know if I can live my life constantly divided between everything I want to do, or devote years to particular things, or just have boundless energy and live a long time so I can do it all. 
But for me the most important thing that realizing I want to do everything is just this: I don't have to feel guilty for not loving piano every minute of every day. Does that mean I might let myself not practice as much, and I might end up missing some opportunities because I'm not as good as I might be? Yes, but being the BEST at piano is not my goal in life. I'm realizing that more and more, I don't really care if I never play at Carnegie hall (though that would be AWESOME), I just want to have fun playing with other people. And maybe that means that I'll never achieve my full potential because I just don't care quite enough, but if I'm not enjoying it in the first place, it's noticeable and I'd never get to Carnegie anyways.

Anyways, sorry for the ramble! I was planning on posting one of my old angsty-trying-to-figure-it-all-out poems, but that long preamble inspired a new one! :)

You say I have to choose
you have been saying that for years
you say this is the time
that will determine all my life.
You say that every day
is one more step to that dream-goal - 
and yet that goal is so
far off I cannot make it out.
You say but this is what
I love, and more, I'm good at it
and that is true, but it
was not my first love or my last.
You say, but imagine
the life I could have if I tried
But is that what I want?
I ask. Now please shut up, dear brain.

And no, this does not mean I'm going to give up on piano. I really do love music, and I do need to work hard on it, but that doesn't mean it's the only thing that's going to fill my life. Either I'll eventually find a career that satisfies all my wishes, or I'm just going to have to do everything :)

Thursday, May 24, 2012

Day #29

The moments go on
from one to the next
they drag or they fly
seamlessly stretching
like taffy you're pulling
your thoughts ever shouting
or murmuring, whisper
scolding and pleading
this moment to stay,
as it is, evermore. 

I don't really like this poem at all, but I have two minutes to post this, so there it is :P 

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Day #28

This blog has made it four weeks! 28 posts in a row is pretty amazing, (never mind that they don't have much content) considering I'm pretty sure my record for most posts in a month is probably five. Here is a poem I wrote today, that's three haiku's except for the last one which didn't turn out right.

If I could add just
one thing to the chorus of
thoughts,what would it be?

If I could shout just
one thing to the whole big wide
world, what would I say?

(If none of my poems
started with if, I would not
have this problem.)

It's ridiculous how many of my poems start with If or And if :P

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Day #27

I want to look at stars again
to stand, staring up
at all the not-dark
the comets and galaxies
planets more ancient than ours
and suns just beginning to live.
I want it all to flood my mind
till there's nothing else,
and all that I am
is so tiny it might
float away on the breeze
and I would never notice.


Monday, May 21, 2012

Day #26

My head's so filled with all
these thoughts I don't know which
to write about.
The smell of fall? The crispy leaves
and biting chill the rattling trees
and deep blue skies, the aching days
the moments where I don't know why
or how or what to do,
the days where all I do is wait?

That's from October 2010, and now a silly one from a month earlier that I just stumbled across and love. It's so bad, but it so truly describes how insane I get when I cannot sleep :P

All my mind seems wont to
grow some wings and fly away,
then hitherto and thither, too
I'd look around and say,
'Alas, alas! My brain, alas!'
And fall asleep at last.


Sunday, May 20, 2012

Day #25

A very random poem from October 2010.

The world is sideways
and the sky outside this room is still, so still
if not for the singing
somewhere else in the building
and the steady tick-tock of the clock,
I would think that time had stopped.
The world is new and strange
and frightening, somehow, sideways
(in a room where you are waiting
for time to begin)


Saturday, May 19, 2012

Day #24

It feels like summer in the air
and in the sky, the perfect blue
the flowers slowly opening, and all
the trees are bursting green.
I need the AC in the car
to cool the red-hot steering wheel
the windows cranked down all the way,
the wind takes control of my hair.
Tomorrow I'll go to the beach
and maybe if the sun's too strong,
my toes will brave the icy shock
and splash the rest of me with cold.
It looks like summer in the sky
and in the air, the thick hotness
that brings out flowers everywhere,
and all the trees have burst alive.

Written this moment! I love summer.

Friday, May 18, 2012

Day #23

Here's a very random short story/scene that I wrote in October. I don't have much of an idea what it's about, but it's fun :)

She had tea on the cloud every Wednesday, at two a clock. Wednesdays were always overcast and sometimes rainy, but above the cloud layer it was just puffy whiteness and the brilliant sun. Her carpet almost matched the sky, a little square of blue with red fringe perched on as flat a section as she could find. Her teapot was dented copper but it gleamed in the light.
“I do wish you’d visit more often,” Mr. Jalopy said, trying to frown at her and looking sheepish when he couldn’t. His face just didn’t form that expression.
“I come as often as I can,” she said, sipping daintily from her cup. She came regular as clockwork in fact, but he didn’t have to know that.
“Well then thank you for sparing the time,” he said, reverting back to a beaming grin. He leaned back into the cloud and drank his tea in one big gulp, then sighed pleasantly at the sun. “I can’t fathom how you aren’t up here all the time,” he remarked. “Don’t you miss the sun down there?”
“I see it often enough,” she said and produced the cookies from the hamper. There was something about eating cookies in the air that made them even more delicious, and these were still warm from the oven. She was silent for a moment as she reverently bit in, and then offered the plate to Mr. Jalopy.
“No thank you,” he said apologetically. “I don’t have much of an appetite these days.” She shrugged and handed one to the cloud. She hadn’t found a cloud yet who didn’t love her cookies. “Come then, what’s your question?” Mr. Jalopy asked as she took another swallow of tea. “Have you got another riddle for me? Or a real question this time?”
“They’re all real questions,” she murmured, but he didn’t hear her. “Well then,” she said, eyeing a bird that was flying in lazy circles some ways away from them. “Have you ever been to the lost city of the Sahara?”
“Been above, not to,” he corrected her. “I’ve drifted across it a few times.”
“Then where is it?” she asked when he didn’t say anything else.
“How should I know?” he said with a laugh. “I wafted around for days, there was a lot of land, then some water, then more land, and more water, and eventually a whole lot of sand. I only know it’s called the lost city because of the myths about it.”
“But you found it,” she said, leaning forward and trying to stop the teapot from tipping off the carpet. “It can be found.”
“I suppose,” he said vaguely. “I couldn’t find it again, mind you.” She nodded and put the teapot back in the hamper, which was set in the very middle of the carpet so it couldn’t fall off. Taking out her notebook she jotted a few words down, then handed the book to Mr. Jalopy.
“Could you draw it do you think?” she asked, and he came as close to frowning as he ever did.
“You know I don’t think much of these pens,” he said disdainfully. She replaced the pen for a pencil and he shrugged, taking it warily. She came as close to smiling as she ever did watching him hold it with two fingers and drag the point across the page. He hated drawing. “Are you ever going to tell me what all these questions are for?” he asked as he drew.
“Curiosity, mostly,” she said lightly and he looked at her. It was true, she was very curious to know his answers. As for the rest of the mostly, if he hadn’t guessed by now, he never would.
“Well then, time for my curious questions,” he said and handed her back the pencil. She took it and stared down at the little drawing, trying to decipher what it was of. Clusters of squares, those would be buildings seen from above. They were large in the center and got smaller farther out, and spaced further apart until a tight ring of them made the outer wall.
“It’s not in ruins?” she asked in surprise and he laughed again.
“Why would it be?” he asked back. “It’s lost, not abandoned.” She digested that for a moment and he cleared his throat. “My question,” he said. “How’s the garden doing?”
“Very well,” she said, and he looked pleased. “The zinnias are in bloom, and I got some new rose bushes.”
“And the tree?” he asked eagerly.
“Is wonderful,” she answered. “I pruned it yesterday, looks like it’ll be a good year for pears.”
“Good,” he sighed. “I wish I could see it again, you know.”
“You can,” she said, frowning slightly. “Can’t you see it from up here?”
“Well yes,” he amended. “But not like before. I can’t go up close. I can’t touch the flowers, or eat the pears.”
“I’ll bring some up, when they're ripe,” she said immediately, and he smiled at her.
“You’re too kind,” he said, his wistfulness forgotten immediately. No, I’m not, she contradicted him in her head. There was a soft sigh beneath them and she looked down, it had started to rain. “You’ll be wanting to go,” he said, squinting up at the sun.
“Yes, I should,” she agreed. It was getting near four a clock and she had things to do.
“Safe journey, come back soon,” he said like always.
“I’ll come back when I can,” she said and he drifted away slowly, waving as he went. “Please stop raining for just a few minutes,” she whispered, slipping another cookie from her hand. The cloud grumbled and the cookie disappeared, but she put her raincoat on anyway. She curled her legs back onto the carpet and set the hamper in her lap, clutching the edges and guiding it downwards with a dip of her head. Half of her disappeared into mist and she looked back at the sun, breathing in it’s warmth, before plunging into the chilly cloud. There were things to be done and cities to be found before the next Wednesday tea.


Thursday, May 17, 2012

Day #22

I keep meaning to post something more interesting than another poem, and then the day gets away :/ oh well. An odd one from January 2010 :)

Each day that I wake up
my thoughts have re-arranged themselves
some sitting here
some standing there
when before they were all
jumping in the air
so I don't recognize
any of them
and I have to go through them all again.
It's a clever trick.
If they just stayed still
through the night, for once
I wouldn't have to think
all day.


Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Day #21

Three weeks! And I'm losing my momentum. We'll see how much longer this lasts :/

My thoughts fly out of my head
as soon as I think them tonight
I don't know where they're going.
Darkness swallows them up
and to follow, if I dare,
I'll have to fold up and spread wings
become a thought myself
and find a way outside
into the world of unknown things.


Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Day #20

Just a very short, silly poem from October. I am one chapter away from finishing the most amazing book ever, so this pretty much sums up my emotion right now, but ten times more :D

My thoughts are a giddy scattering
of bouncy exclamation points
balanced by a fair amount
of silly grins -
someone looking on might think
that I've fallen in love.


Monday, May 14, 2012

Day #19

The light is starting to spill in
through the hole in the clouds
and the airport is mumbling
and rubbing it's eyes
as planes soar off into the pale blue
fly straight into the gap of clouds
and the sleeping creatures
disappear in the sky.


Sunday, May 13, 2012

Day #18

As it says, this poem means nothing at all. I've had a great past two days, and now I'm really really tired. This was all that came out :P

I don't know what I'm trying to say
or how I should say it
or who I am talking to.
I'm usually talking to someone--
myself or an older me or
a person I love or a person
who I can't really talk to.
I wonder what those people would think
if they read all my thoughts, or
those thoughts that make it onto the page.
(This is not the poem I wanted to write.
There are too many words
mashed together in my head
I'm talking to no one,
I'm not saying anything,
and it means nothing at all.)


Saturday, May 12, 2012

Day #17

A very random poem, not based on anything real in my life. From December 2011.

The rain was making
tear stains on the door
she watched drops gather
flecks of dirt and dust
they crawled towards her and
left a brighter blue
behind. The door was
streaked with rain and she
just watched she could not
move she could not knock.


Friday, May 11, 2012

Day #16

Each year I write a poem the day before my birthday, this was this year's!

Tomorrow I'll have aged another day -
though it's only combine with the last
three hundred and sixty four
that it is at all special I think
since every day I age some more
and gradually, not all in one chunk--
I won't wake up as somebody new
maturer, and wiser, and quite a lot taller
a person who's very certainly sure
that she's seventeen and not in fact
eleven - but at least I'll get cake
and I'll age one more day
and I'll gradually grow up
but only as slowly as I possibly can.


Thursday, May 10, 2012

Day #15

A poem from February 2010, about being a poet. Inspired a bit by reading poetry by e. e. cummings, who I LOVE.

It seems to me
a melancholy profession
always sighing and longing
and looking at stars
and wishing to fly
up away from the earth
but never escaping
gravity's grasp
so to make up for that loss
you add to the chorus
of wishes flying with the wind
(maybe when the earth dies)
becoming stars
but there are so many
most so dim
their names are forgotten
and all your wishes
are unheard
like the rest

I wrote it so long ago that I don't remember what I wanted to eventually become stars, I think it was either the wishes or the poet. Who knows!

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Day #14

This blog has made it two weeks! Here's a not very special poem that I wrote a month ago.

The world looks like an old photograph
the colors muted, just lightly flecked
with dirt. The neighbor's yard is slowly
turning into moss and a bush in
front of their house is blooming yellow -
it's the brightest thing against the blue-ish
gray clouds that are rumpled around the
lack of a sun.


Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Day #13

A silly poem from last October :) (If you know what book it's about, major brownie points to you! But it's not very obvious.)

My brain is currently trapped
in a world that is not my own
(a world that is color and
shadows and all in between)
and I eat and I walk
but I'm not really here
(and cobblestone streets
and the smell of sunlight)
I'm just waiting to go back
to that place where the world
(is bitter and sweet
like a slow chocolate death)
for a moment makes sense
even if it's not mine.


Monday, May 7, 2012

Day #12

A very short story I wrote in October. Not my favorite, but I like it better now than I did then. I had absolutely no idea what it was about when I started it, it was inspired from this song which I love passionately :D

There was a demon standing in the rain. The water dripped off his coat and streamed down his fingers and flattened his hair into a black mess, and it looked like he was smiling. He was standing in the very middle of the square, next to the scraggly Christmas tree in the middle of plastic chairs and tables. It was not a cold day even with the rain and he slowly looked up so that it ran into his eyes and slid over his cheeks. I shivered and with that one movement he knew I was there, his head tilted in my direction and then his eyes found mine. From this distance it looked like they were the exact color of the sky, stormy gray and glittering with wetness. I stared back from the safety of the café and did not move.
“That’s very rude you know,” I heard somehow, I could barely see his lips moving but it sounded like he was standing right next to me.
“Show off,” I muttered under my breath. He smiled and tilted his head towards the table next to him.
“Care to join me?” I considered for a moment, he already knew I was there, not like I’d tried to hide, and the rain was slackening off. He was staring at me unwaveringly now but did not seem like he’d particularly care if I stayed inside. But he looked pleased when the bell on the door jangled open and I stepped outside, immediately hunching my shoulders against the rain. It had found its way underneath my collar already and was dripping down my spine-- not very cold but it felt like a spider crawling smoothly down. I twitched and avoided the puddles, only looking up when he was right in front of me.
“You don‘t like the rain,” he said, low and amused. My mouth smiled and I raised a dripping eyebrow. “I like it,” he said with a tiny shrug.
“Makes you stand out,” I said. “No one likes the rain when they’re in it.”
“Maybe I want to stand out,” was his answer, and I laughed at how juvenile he sounded. There was a growl from the sky and I looked up, blinking furiously as a drip fell directly on my eyelid. The rain was not slackening off after all, it had been a brief reprisal and now it came down in earnest.
“You’ve been watching me for the past two days,” he said lightly. His eyes were darker than they‘d seemed before, practically black and they looked at me unblinkingly.
“Much longer than that actually,” I said with a little smile. “I’ve let you see me these past two days.”
“Why?” he shifted in annoyance, he didn’t like to not be in charge of the conversation.
“Because I’m sure now,” I said and made myself straighten, I was almost as tall as him when I wasn’t hunched in the rain.
“Sure of?” He asked and frowned at me. I almost laughed, he was doing it again. He was steaming, warmth and anger making the rain sizzle as it hit his coat. He realized where I was looking and it stopped abruptly, but the cogs were beginning to turn in his head. “You shouldn’t have been able to see that,” he said slowly.
“Your illusions are bad in the rain,” I said with a shrug.
“They are not!” he retorted and I just laughed. Obviously they were or I wouldn’t have seen the steam, and he blinked as he realized he didn’t have an argument. “I think you should leave now,” he said coldly. “You have no idea just who you’re dealing with.”
“Really,” I said, and reached out to brush a straggly flop of hair off his forehead. He was having a hard time looking menacing while dripping everywhere, and he started to steam again.
“Don’t--” He growled, pushing my hand away, but something about my hand against his fingers made him freeze. “Do I know you?”
“I’m a little insulted you have to ask,” I said but I wasn’t, my illusion was very good. It even changed my voice, but my fingers-- he knew the feel of my hands. It had been a long time though, and he must have felt dozens of hands since then so I pulled them away and shoved them in my pockets. He looked up at me again, wary, and searched my unfamiliar face.
“How exactly do I know you?” I didn’t answer and he stepped forward, trying the menacing thing again and succeeding a little this time.
“There‘s just one thing I‘d like to ask you,” I cut in before he could say anything. “Have you ever fallen in love?” He laughed abruptly, and grimaced.
“That’s your question? God, no. You know what I am don’t you? We don’t fall in love.” My fingers gripped the liner of my pockets and I grimaced back at him. Just like I’d thought. His body lost it’s tension and he stepped back, regarding me. I was just a silly girl, asking him strange things about love. “Now for my question. Who are you?”
“What’s the point of telling you?” I shrugged nonchalantly, my fingertips were burning holes in the pocket liners and I took them out to cool in the rain. “In another twenty years you won’t remember me at all.” I gave him another smile with my lips and then I was walking away, splashing loudly in puddles and wiping the rain off my face. I wasn’t upset since I’d never been in love, demons couldn’t fall in love. But we couldn’t cry either, and the rain was making it feel like I was so I hurried back inside. He had turned his face back up to the sky by the time I grabbed my coffee, the odd conversation apparently already forgotten. I didn’t let my gaze do more than skim over him before turning away. There were much better things to be had in this world than soulless ex lovers and tiny, dreary, water infested towns.


Sunday, May 6, 2012

Day #11

Another journal poem, and one where I started out saying something and ended up discovering something completely different that I hadn't realized. Not the best, but I'm very attached to this one. I think it could be edited better, (does it seem awkward going suddenly from the 'someone' to calling that person 'you'?) but I'm not sure how. (Written April 2011)

I've felt so very young of late
too young to be here by myself
(though I'm not yet, I will soon be)
too young to brave the world just yet.
I feel so young, especially
when I'm around that someone too
sometimes it's fine, we laugh and joke
sometimes I try so hard to be
an older me, or try to say
the perfect thing to draw you out
but I just fail and feel so young
and strange inside, I'm not enough
when I'm with you but only since
I wanted to be and all this
makes my head spin round
maybe it would be best if I
had never had that thought since now
the times when I'm not trying are
the times you make me laugh.